


Just Because I'm Insecure Doesn't Mean I Don't Trust You

by caityjay



Series: Touch the Ground [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Aaron loves Lady Gaga, Aaron's alcoholism is developing at this point and will be explored later, Closeted Character, Don't Judge Him, I apologize for nothing, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Misunderstandings, he is also a ridiculously talented pianist, one terrible pun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-12
Updated: 2010-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 11:46:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1939836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caityjay/pseuds/caityjay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron makes certain choices that invite misunderstandings. Luckily, he spends his time with some pretty understanding people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Because I'm Insecure Doesn't Mean I Don't Trust You

Aaron loved to go out dancing. As soon as he hit nineteen, he'd found a little club downtown that opened early Wednesday evenings for open-mic and had Gaga night every other Thursday and practically had a heart attack. By the end of that summer, he'd become a favorite amongst the regulars, performing mostly Gaga tunes at the baby grand that took up nearly the entire tiny corner stage, aided by at least one glass (usually two) of whiskey to help him forget that there were people watching him.

It was the first Thursday in October when he arrived at The Ballroom a bit later than usual to hear some of his fans muttering, disgruntled, at the bar. The opening bars of _Speechless_ were being played, somewhat clumsily, at the piano in the corner.

"Hey, Aaron!" He glanced back to the bar and flashed a grin at the middle-aged man who addressed him. "That girl thinks she can do your song."

"It's not my song, Terry," he argued back, accepting his drink from the young woman who tended the bar. "It's Gaga's song."

There was a chorus of protests, but Aaron turned his attention back to the girl at the piano. She wasn't half bad, really; piano skills could use some work, but her voice was good. Too good for this kind of reception.

He was halfway to the bench before he realized he'd made up his mind. "Keep singing," he muttered as he added his hands to the keys. The girl blinked, startling a little, but glanced over at the bar (she'd obviously noticed the heckling), grabbed the mic and scooted to the end of the bench. 

By the end of the song, the small crowd was cheering wildly. Aaron leaned over and asked quietly, "What's your name?"

The young woman replied with her brown eyes wide, "Lydia. Lydia Gray."

Aaron took the mic. "Everybody, give it up for Lydia Gray!"

And they did. Aaron switched the mic off as he put it back on the stand, turning to the still-startled performer to explain, "They're just loyal; they're used to me doing that song. But you've got a great voice. I'm Aaron."

"Lydia. Er," she blushed, heaving a sigh and slapping her hand over her face theatrically.

Aaron laughed. 

—

Lydia quickly became Aaron's closest friend at school, apart from Jamie. She lived in the dorms across campus, but they met for at least one meal per day and joined each other in either one of their rooms to watch movies, listen to music and be nerdy together.

It was finals week, and the two of them had staked out the spot in the library with the huge bean bags in place of desks and sprawled out on the carpet to study. Lydia groaned, rolling over onto her back and throwing an arm over her eyes, abandoning her book.

"This _blows_."

Aaron snorted. "Your level of eloquence is astounding."

Without moving her arm, she stuck out her tongue at him. "I'm sick of being eloquent. I'm saving all my big words for my stupid research paper."

"Hmph." He went back to reading.

Lydia rolled over onto her stomach and looked up at Aaron thoughtfully. He didn't notice, marking something in his text with his pencil. She kept her eyes on him as she rose slowly, ending up in her knees beside him. 

"Aaron."

Before he could completely look up, Lydia had leaned close and was kissing him. He was so startled at first that he let her for a moment. Her lips were soft—too soft. And too small. Aaron jerked back, book sliding off his lap and onto the carpet.

Lydia stared intently at him, her cheeks heating rapidly. Aaron locked eyes with her for another moment before turning away with a vehement curse.

"Lydia...." He'd seen the hope drain from her face, and watched as it quickly hardened.

"It's okay. I understand. I just thought—"

"No," he stopped her forcefully before she could continue. "No, Lydia, stop. It's not..." he sighed. There was really no better way to do this. "Lydia, you're amazing. We can't... I can't be with you, but it's not you."

She started to laugh but he cut her off with a hand on her shoulder. Her eyes softened a little, but were still wary. He sighed again. "Shit. I'm really sorry, I... I didn't realize how much I've been leading you on until just now, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to... I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she repeated, "I'm just stupid, to think that you—"

"No you're not. I would..." Aaron heaved one last sigh and glanced around to make sure they were alone before he continued in a lowered voice, "If I were straight, I'd totally go out with you."

Lydia blinked. She leaned back away from Aaron, and for a moment he feared the worst: She was disgusted with him, she was going to go tell all her friends how sick he was and—

She was laughing. Hard. She'd fallen back on the carpet and was holding her face in her hands, trying to stifle the sound. Aaron watched her with confused chagrin before she managed to catch her breath.

"You're—" she began in a stage-whisper but Aaron urgently hushed her.

"Please don't tell anyone."

She sobered quickly and shook her head. "Of course not. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed. I just... it's just like me to fall for the ones I can't have."

Aaron winced. "Sorry."

Lydia shrugged. "It's not your fault. Anyway," she curled her legs back up under her and leaned in close to him, again, "do you have a boyfriend, then?"

If he hadn't been blushing before, he definitely was now. "Um. Well, yeah."

Lydia nodded sagely. "It's Jamie, isn't it?"

Aaron looked up, startled. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well, yeah, once you know _you're_ gay," she snorted. "But, obviously, either I'm a real big idiot or you do not ping on the gaydar."

It was Aaron's turn to snort. "That's... kind of the idea. Besides, 'gaydar' isn't really reliable."

"Jamie sure as hell sets it off."

"Jamie _tries_ to set it off. Jamie _is_ gaydar."

"...Darth Gaydar?"

They both laughed until the librarian glared them into submission.

—

Aaron was in a good mood when he returned to his room that evening. He'd finished an essay, studied for an exam, and come out to his new best friend. Lydia had promised to finish her research paper that night and come over to have him look over it after dinner. He was eager to share his progress with his boyfriend.

"Hey, James," he closed the door, tossed his backpack on his desk chair and crossed the room to hug the redhead from behind. Jamie stiffened.

Aaron backed off warily, cautiously leaving one hand on the other boy's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

The venom in his reply hit Aaron hard. He let his hand slip from Jamie's shoulder and took a step back. 

"Okay." Aaron's good mood was completely deflated. Jamie was obviously angry about something, but Aaron didn't know how else to approach it. 

He went back to his own desk, unpacking his bag in silence for a while. After about ten minutes of nothing from the other side of the room, he decided to try his luck.

"I have something to tell you," he said, trying and failing to make his tone light.

"Does it have anything to do with your new girlfriend?"

Aaron was stunned. He sat, gaping, and stared at his boyfriend's back. Finally, after a few moments, he managed to croak, "What?"

Jamie spun around in his chair and glared across the room. "I saw you. In the library. I was looking for you to bring you a fucking _sandwich_ and I find you _kissing_ her."

Aaron was completely freaking out on the inside, but for a few seconds all he could do was gape. Luckily, his logical mind took over relatively quickly (as it had a tendency to do) and he interrupted Jamie before he could continue his tirade. "That's _not_ what happened, Jamie. Jamie. Look at me." He waited until the other boy obeyed before going on. "She kissed me, yes. Because I, like an idiot, had been leading her on unintentionally ever since we met. But I told her. And it's fine."

Jamie still looked angry, but his eyes were softened a little with confusion. "So...."

"Yeah."

"You told her?"

"Yeah."

"Everything?"

"Pretty much, yes."

Jamie swallowed and looked away. "I'm sorry."

Aaron blinked. "Don't be. It's okay, I understand. I'm sorry you had to see that. God, I felt terrible," he laughed a little, relieved that Jamie wasn't mad at him anymore. He crossed the room and bumped the other boy over to share his chair, slipping his arms around his waist. 

"Are you okay?"

The question surprised Aaron. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

Jamie hesitated, then shook his head. "I don't know. I mean... you came out to her, right?"

Aaron allowed the grin he felt to take over his face. "Yep. And it wasn't all that bad."

Jamie looked down at the dark head nestled in his shoulder and planted a soft kiss on it. "Good."

Aaron looked up and frowned. "That's it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you'd be thrilled. I mean, you want me to come out, right?"

Jamie was silent for a long moment, staring deeply into the other boy's bright blue eyes. Finally, he smiled. "Of course I do. But I want you to be ready. I don't want some girl kissing you to _force_ you into it, that's all."

Aaron smiled back, his good mood returning quickly now that Jamie's anger had dissipated. "No. I'm glad I told her. I was nervous, but it turned out okay. I was really excited to tell you about it, too."

"And I fucked it up by being a dick. I'm sorry." He hugged his boyfriend in a tight squeeze.

"That's okay. I wouldn't have liked walking in on someone else kissing you, either."

"Oddly enough, you know that makes me feel better?"

They laughed, and Aaron sat back up to steal a real kiss.

"Congratulations," Jamie murmured.

"Thanks."

"I love you."

Aaron leaned back a little so he could look into the other boy's soft green eyes. "I love you, too," he whispered. 

Jamie was startled, but his surprise at Aaron's long-awaited admission was quickly overcome with joy. He grinned, and poured his abundance of emotion into kissing his boyfriend.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2010. Everything's getting new and crazy titles (not sorry). Lydia is, like, my actual favorite, no hating on her (Aaron will come kill you; they're besties for life). Someday her prince will come, I promise :)
> 
> Also, you may be able to tell, but I can't stand drama (probably why I'm not the greatest writer, lol), so I like to resolve things quickly. Also not sorry :)


End file.
